Talking to Kids About Sex

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Affiliate Links I just sat down and watched a sex video with my 13-year-old. Well, a sex education video — that was pretty detailed with anatomical models. FUN TIMES!

In this day when kids are exposed to so much, so young, I want my kids to be educated and prepared. Hopefully. Knowledge is power.

Talking to Kids About Sex

30 Days of Sex TalksLong before we watched the video, we started going through the book 30 Days of Sex Talks ages 12+. It was awkward and stilted.

NO, she didn’t have any questions.

NO, she didn’t want to talk about this every, at all, anymore . . .

The parenting philosophy that kids will ask when they’re ready is NOT always TRUE. My kid does NOT want to talk about this. Ever.

Also, I ordered Body Drama by Nancy Amanda Redd. It has lots of photographs! I highlighted a few sections — how to make an emergency pad out of toilet paper, how to shave your leg, but she refused to look at it. Sigh.

Sex Talks with Mom

I explained oral sex while driving her to a friend’s house. (I emphasized that it counts as sex — that’s a big thing kids need to understand.) “MOM, I’m going to THROW UP,” was her response.

But, wait, I told her, there’s MORE TO EXPLAIN –sexually transmitted diseases!! Which I described. She really wanted to vomit now. (But the rising statistics made me want to vomit!)

Another day, I described hard-ons and ejaculation while we sat together on the couch. She said, “ARE WE DONE YET?

NO. I finished up with all the synonyms for EVERYTHING. Who would tell her if not me? (I know!! I’d rather she learn from me, not her friends. But her friends will tell her, I know.)

Another day I waxed eloquent about condoms and birth control while driving home from school. That went poorly. (Must try to remember not to ramble on, just cut it short after the main point.) She said, “I have no idea what you’re even saying.

Feeling over my head, I turned to that controversial Norwegian sex ed video I’d read about on several blogs and watched previously. I figured that might just be enough to finish up her sex education.

(I know, I know, we aren’t done after this . . . I still have to keep talking and have open communication and education.)

So here’s the (controversial) video. We read the subtitles. Afterward, she said that she used to hate broccoli but now she liked it. (You’ll see when you watch the video.)

Progress!

Are We Done Yet?

The 30 Days book had a part on emotional intimacy. I did a terrible job explaining that. I’ll do better next sex talk time.

Of course, we also talked about our family values, which we have talked about before. That is embedded into all of these conversations.

DONE?

Not quite. I covered masturbation because I think it’s highly underrated. For girls especially. Girls should understand and know their bodies. I would advocate for this with abstinence. I think it’s a viable way to not have sex too young or if you’re trying to stay true to your religious beliefs.

Now we were almost done with my “sex talks with mom” life series. Hooray.

Porn

I still had to cover porn. I briefly mentioned it — naked people, etc. I still need to elaborate a bit more because if it’s true that most of our kids are exposed to it, and that boys are getting their (mis)information about sex from porn, then it’s got to be covered.

Incidentally, I’ve been reading a lot about the porn topic with regards to children and here’s what I think. Parents must teach kids that porn is fantasy, it’s not what real women want or enjoy. If you want to read some of the articles I’ve found thought-provoking, try this one from Aeon, this one from UpWorthy, Not Just Cute, and this one at The Good Men Project.

We finished with social media and sexting — which we’ve talked about before because the police came to her school to put the fear of God into the students.

All of this must be an ongoing conversation.

And we’re done.

For this week.

PHEW.

Final Thoughts

I joke that it’s hellish to talk about sex because it’s really challenging — but you MUST do it. Even though it’s uncomfortable. I strongly believe in providing sex education and information to our kids. It’s empowering — no matter what your belief system. Don’t make sex the elephant in the room. It’s everywhere. Deal with it. Talk about it. It won’t be fun but know that I’ll feel your pain. (High-five to ya when you do!)

In Europe, or at least northern Europe, sex education begins young. My kids haven’t ever had it at school. Interestingly enough, the data from countries that start sex education early show better results than we do in the States — less unintended pregnancies, unsafe abortions, and STDs. (Here’s an example of sex ed in a Dutch a kindergarten class.)

Maybe we should do the same.

What do you think?

Have you talked to your kids about sex?

talking to kids about sex -- what to say and how to get over the embarrassment

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2 Responses

  1. One of your best posts! We get a lot in with those car talks, but I think we need to do more. I really like your ideas! Interesting data about countries that teach more in schools…

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    Hi! I’m Melissa Taylor, mom, writer, & former elementary teacher & literacy trainer. I love sharing good books & fun learning resources.

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