Thank you Melissa for the examples and the helpful resources. Do you plan to review the documentary?

Pragmatic Mom, I appreciate your in depth comment as it relates to girl bullying. The topic doesn’t get nearly enough attention.

In general, I would suggest enrolling shy sensitive kids in a Martial Arts program to help bolster their confidence. The mind and body are intricately connected. Feeling a sense of control over one’s body leads to mental strength as well.

Vincent | CuteMonster.com

What did we do?

1) We tried to make sure not to get in the Queen Bee’s class. This was tricky because many years there were just 2 classes for her grade.

2) We tried to avoid the Queen Bee. It turns out that we ended up on the same girls softball team but the Queen Bee ended up respecting my daughter for her batting skills. Also, the Queen Bee loved my daughter’s little brother.

3) Affected parents of bullied girls made repeated visits to the principal’s office. Teachers were also aware. The problem was RECESS and LUNCH when the lunch supervisors were untrained in handling this kind of behavior.

4) Play date requests from Queen Bees can be tricky. Her M/O was that the play date was her BFF and got lavish attention and small gifts. In a few days, this same girl would be completely ignored by her and her group of friends.

5) We got parents of bystanders to talk to their daughters. If the bystander girl intervened by saying NO to this behavior, it would change the dynamic quickly and nullify the bully. Yes, bystander girls can and will stand up. My daughter got zinged once during lunch recess and her friend stood up for her by saying, “Let’s go play somewhere else.”

6) As for being locked out, the parents of locked out girls reached out to other parents to do play dates with a different set of (nicer) girls so that the locked girl has a new circle of friends.

7) I would personally relay the story of “I can play with you when the mean girl is sick” to the parents of the girls in that group. Have them talk to their daughter about how wrong that is and why do they listen to the mean girl? And why don’t they stand up for the locked out girl? What are the consequences for standing up?

So sorry that this is happening to your daughter. It’s so upsetting as a parent to watch this happen. When all is said and done, however, I think other moms of girls in your daughter’s class are your best allies. The principal and teachers are well and good, but the crux is to redirect the girls into forming new friendship circles and that is not what teachers can control. Nor principals.

Parents CAN control this because we set up the play dates. We drive the kids to and from the play dates. We talk to the play date parents during the pick up and drop offs. We talk to our kids. We can talk about bullying and friendship and standing up to a bully. We can read books about this to illustrate and let our child apply this to their own situation.

The best book ever: The Hundred Dresses by Eleanor Estes (not sure if I have the author correctly).Perfect for grades 2-5: http://www.pragmaticmom.com/2010/04/girl-bullying-the-hundred-dresses-by-estes-grades-3-5th/

For girl queen bees, How to Rock Glasses and Braces is also good. It’s an inside out view of a Queen Bee and how she realizes who she is when she becomes a geek. It’s more for grades 5-8.

All my posts on bullying are here: http://www.pragmaticmom.com/category/parenting/bullying-parenting/

Best of luck!

me, too! Thanks, Renee!

the apple doesn’t fall far, does it?

Wow, your own story just reminds me how loose-loose it is for both the bully and the victim.