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Stress in kids? Really?
After missing school and numerous trips to the doctor, my pediatrician kindly advised me that my kindergartner’s stomach aches were mostly likely due to anxiety — there was no physical cause.
My daughter, like many kids, experience stress physically. Headaches, stomach aches, vomiting and bed wetting are all common manifestations of stress.
OVERHEARD STORIES
I called in to the Love and Logic radio show. with Dr. Jim Fay who suggested I tell my husband about my own anxiety when my daughter was nearby, and how I handled my feelings, giving my daughter some solution ideas. I was supposed to let her overhear.
Example:
“I was so worried about going to that meeting today, I felt kind of weird in my tummy. I decided to take five deep breathes and that really helped. And, the meeting went really well after all.”
This was hard to remember but I think it was good advice. Kids do like to overhear things we say — especially those times we don’t want them to be listening!
PHYSICAL ACTIVITY
My husband noticed that if our daughter didn’t get enough physical activity, her behavior and anxiety got worse. We still make sure that we spent time outside running, swinging, jumping and playing. If it istoo cold, we’d rough house inside, jump off the couch, play basketball in our basement (I put up a hoop) or pretend to be dogs. It helps her so much.
BREATHING AND VISUALIZATION
Lori Lite created Stress Free Kids, a line of books, CDs and curriculum. She sent me Indigo Dreams, 60 minutes of stories and music. Children follow the characters along as they learn belly breathing with A Boy and a Bear, make positive statements with 
The Affirmation Web, visualize with A Boy and a Turtle and relax with The Goodnight Caterpillar.
I loved the CD but my daughter wouldn’t sit still to listen to more than a few minutes. She will move up until the last second before she has to sleep. Even when I read to her before bed, she’ll knit, reorganize her desk or fold clothes. But sitting, listening and breathing? Not so much.
However, I do think that for most kids, this is a great opportunity to practice calming and breathing. I suggest you take a look at this CD or the other products from Stress Free Kids – they meet a need in a world where more and more kids experience stress and anxiety.
HYPNOTHERAPY
Our pediatrician, Dr. Brian Kono, is trained in hypnotherapy. We tried a few sessions but the idea is that you learn how to calm yourself through visualization and imagery. I thought it was so helpful but my daughter, again, just wouldn’t do it. It does take a willingness on her part to be successful. Perhaps when she’s older and can understand how it could help.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
What’s worked for your child and your family?
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Melissa Taylor is a mom and educator from Denver who is passionate about playful learning. Thanks for visiting the site!
11 Comments
I think this was your best post yet! Im glad you pointed out that its important to try out different relaxation approaches for different kids. Its possible that yoga would be a good relaxation exercise for your daughter, although as active as she is, she may like Tae-Bo even better!
We’re using the workbook, What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Anxiety. My son doesn’t have any interest in actually doing the workbook pages, so we basically just read and use the activities as discussion starters. I also learned some great, simple strategies from the book, Helping Your Anxious Child, (Rapee, Wignall, Spence, Cobham, Lyneham) We’ve helped him identify activities that he can do to calm himself in various situations. For example, to calm down at home, he sits in a beanbag and listens to music or plays sports. At school, he gets overly anxious during unstructured times, like during lunch, so when he feels anxious, the plan is supposed to be to take deep breaths and observe what the other kids are doing for clues about what he should be doing, etc. Also knowing what to expect from an upcoming situation is a huge deal for my son, so we spend a lot of time talking though possible scenarios ahead of time. We often do this through storytelling, using “Brave Charlie” as the main character who succeeds by using his “calm down” strategies so he can think clearly and come up with great solutions to various problems.
[...] What You Can Do to Help Your Anxious Child [...]
I love the Brave Charlie idea! I’ve read the other two books and agree that they’re both very good. Thanks for writing about them, Erin.
Mindi is so right about trying different approaches. As a therapist working with anxious children I have found that ‘one size’ definitely does not fit all. Some love to relax with creative visualisation or hypnosis, while others get much more out of art therapy.
Erin’s coping strategies are excellent. Mental rehearsal is so useful and using a character to ‘try out’ the scenarios can help an anxious child immensely.
I also offer the visualisation of a ‘safe place’ so that the child always has somewhere they can withdraw to and find resources. On one of my cds called ‘The Magic Garden’ there is a wise old willow tree that children love to sit under and tell their worries to. This is another useful vehicle to offload troubling feelings. xx
What a great list of ideas! I need to bookmark this one because I can already tell my son is going to have issues with anxiety! The initial signs are already there!! And, can I just say that I LOVE Love and Logic!!! Love, love, LOVE it!!!!
[...] What Can You Do to Help an Anxious Child? [...]
One of my girls is a big worrier…. she can worry herself awake most of the night over something that seems so crazy to me… though I do understand because I am pretty sure she inherited the worrying from me. Which is why I really like your first suggestion… for her to see/hear me talking about and dealing with my worries would be quite powerful for her I think.
We also use something called ‘the catastrophe scale’… though my girls are a little older (8) they’ve been using it since they started school and it’s been fabulous. Basically it started out as a visual picture of a scale and they wrote or drew on it what something bad would be, something really bad, something really really bad and something catastrophic…. and when something is worrying them I get them to put it somewhere on the scale…. it helps to keep the little things from getting way out of perspective!
katepickle recently posted..Becoming a More Positive Parent.
thanks for this great idea, Kate!
I have a son with Selective Mutism- a severe anxiety disorder. He was placed on medication for a year and he is doing very well right now. In dealing with him, I have learned a few things about helping a child with anxiety:
1. Do not force the child to do something that makes them extremely anxious- encourage and offer to assist, but don’t force.
2. Tell the child ahead of time if something will be changing or if something that makes the child anxious is approaching.
3. Freedom to be him/herself- if the child feels “normal”, it will alleviate some of the anxiety, too.
Great article!
I’m glad he’s doing better – sounds like you’ve learned these lessons first hand. Thank you!